1/2 through the World Cup and we here have a heavy heart. England romped over Panama in an explosive performance. Japan and Senegal followed their opening day victories by drawing with eachother. Finally, our lackluster Poland fall 0:3 to Colombia. It's like they saw this Colombian fan and thought there was a real tiger.
England 6:1 Panama
John Stones 8' 1-0
Harry Kane (pk) 22' 2-0
Jesse Lingard 36' 3-0
John Stones 40' 4-0
Harry Kane (pk) 45+1' 5-0
Harry Kane 62' 6-0
Felipe Baloy 78' 6-1
| Result | Points | Score England | Points | Score Panama | Points | Total | |
| Artifex | England | 5 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 7 |
| Fortuitous | Panama | 0 | 2 | 0 | 7 | 0 | 0 |
| Historicus | England | 5 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| IoannesNix | England | 5 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 7 |
| Musicus | England | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| Praeceptor | England | 5 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 7 |
| Scriptor | England | 5 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 |
Japan 2:2 Senegal
Sadio Mane 11' 0-1
Takashi Inui 34' 1-1
Moussa Wague 71' 1-2
Keisuke Honda 78' 2-2
| Result | Points | Score Japan | Points | Score Senegal | Points | Total | |
| Artifex | Senegal | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Fortuitous | Japan | 0 | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Historicus | Draw | 5 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 5 |
| IoannesNix | Draw | 5 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 5 |
| Musicus | Senegal | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Praeceptor | Senegal | 0 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 2 |
| Scriptor | Senegal | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 2 |
Poland 0:3 Colombia
Yerry Mina 40' 0-1
Radamel Falcao 70' 0-2
Juan Cuadrado 75' 0-3
| Result | Points | Score Poland | Points | Score Colombia | Points | Total | |
| Artifex | Colombia | 5 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 7 |
| Fortuitous | Colombia | 5 | 1 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 5 |
| Historicus | Colombia | 5 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 7 |
| IoannesNix | Poland | 0 | 3 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 2 |
| Musicus | Colombia | 5 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 5 |
| Praeceptor | Draw | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Scriptor | Draw | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
Japan's draw has earned Fortuitous 1 point. Panama's loss means Musicus doesn't gain any points. Onto the Scores!
| Standings | Points | Oracle | |
| 1 | Musicus | 138 | 48 |
| 2 | Scriptor | 119 | 38 |
| 3 | Praeceptor | 118 | 35 |
| 4 | Artifex | 114 | 29 |
| 5 | IoannesNix | 113 | 25 |
| 6 | Historicus | 110 | 31 |
| 7 | Fortuitous | 44 | 10 |
Today's Disciplinary Official is, once again, Zabivaka the mascot.
Zabivaka just wants to give everyone two thumbs up. Russia and FIFA have been exposed in another doping coverup scandal. But this wolf doesn't want you to fret. Everything is good. It's all ok. There's no need to look at the urine and blood vendors in the stands. Russia is dominating this tournament on sheer fear of Vladimir Putin alone. No cards. No warnings. No doping.
The Grand Salmon Alpaca
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